I realized the other day that what I've been feeling for the last 10+ (!) months is the opposite of the adrenaline high. When you're running on adrenaline, you feel that rush, that energy, that sense of power and efficiency and purpose, getting things done...important things. It is a high, and it is addictive.
And as they said on Grey's Anatomy (sorry) the other night, every addiction eventually comes full circle. Every "high" has a corresponding "low." It catches up with us.
The low for me was weakness, no energy, exhaustion, powerlessness and being overwhelmed by small exertions and stresses. The low of cutting back on everything that gives me joy. The surrender of ever saving the world or doing anything "important" again.
But in the quietness, and loneliness, I have rediscovered...me. Me minus the high. And perhaps it is enough.
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