Energy for a challenging year

I have not forgotten your comment, dear "ayarella," at the end of the last blog about how I am doing now. In fact, it has haunted me for months. It seems mommy-brain is getting the best of me these days (how handy to transition from fatigue-fog to mommy-brain as an excuse for anything), and even when I have two seconds to sit at my laptop, the tyranny of the urgent email is all my mind has room for.

I just reread my last post, now almost a year ago (oh dear), and found it encouraging to look back and remember. I had no idea what the coming months would bring. Let me just say that this year has been fraught with physical limitation and weakness (along with the immeasurable joy of the cutest and sweetest baby imaginable!), and I'm pleased to say my mostly-recovered adrenals and God's grace has seen me through so far.

I did in fact have enough energy for 18 hours of labor that started at 1:00 AM and a natural birth...at the hospital down the street...in the biggest snowstorm in Maryland history: the birthing center was too far away and, incidentally, closed. I had enough energy for the newborn night wakings which lasted a little too long since 2:00 AM somehow meant party time to our little stinker. But thankfully she started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks after we got her on a schedule. I had enough energy to endure four months plus of postpartum healing complications that I won't go into here.

At six months our little darling hit a growth spurt that had her waking up at night again, sometimes several times, for the next two months, and I somehow had the energy for that, though I blame getting strep throat in July on my being thus run down. But I was able to recover in less than 3 days without antibiotics, which I attribute to my many natural "remedies." After sleeping through the night for another month and a half, she hit teething/sickness/teething again, which become a weeks-long family sickness saga. I think I am finally over that virus, maybe. Perhaps my adrenals are reaching their limit.

Breastfeeding takes alot out of you, I'm realizing, though what an honor to pour your life into another so literally, and such a darling other at that. But I have had an over-abundance of milk all these months actually, and plan to keep nursing her until she is a year old.

In addition to often-interrupted nighttime sleep, every day I have gone right back to bed during our daughter's first nap. Most of the time I am able to sleep, and this is probably what has gotten me through. It's a little more challenging now that she's down to two naps and her first nap is two hours after waking in the morning, as opposed to an hour and 15 minutes (ie, it's harder to go right back to sleep). But I'm hoping that as she starts sleeping through the night again and thus I do, I won't need that morning nap. If I can go to bed early. Which I'm flagrantly violating at this moment. Uh, good-night!

New life, and brand new life

So I haven't written in a while (before the last post) and I have a very good excuse: pregnancy. God gave us the gift of conception a month before we had even planned to start trying. This is significant in many ways, but especially from a health angle, as a demonstration of God's healing power.

At the beginning of June, I took my third saliva test in three years to gauge where my adrenal glands were in their recovery. When I got the results back, they showed my adrenals in worse shape than last year, and almost back to where they were when most depleted two years ago! I tried not to panic and stay at peace for the 24 hours before my phone consultation with Dr. Taylor in Atlanta. I assumed it might have something to do with my pregnancy, which we had discovered just after I'd taken the test, but I wasn't sure.

When I finally got to speak to him the next day and we were going over my results, I mentioned that I was pregnant and had been when I took the test. He was so relieved and said, "I didn't know how I was going to break it to you that your hormone levels are post-menopausal!" (uh, or pregnant). We had a good laugh of mutual relief, and he went on to say that my test results were basically awash since I'd been pregnant at the time and pregnancy is the biggest stress you can put on your body.

However, he said that ironically the biggest proof that my adrenals had rebounded and were in good shape was that we had gotten pregnant at all, and so fast. He said if my adrenals were still too weak to handle pregnancy, they would have stopped my body from getting pregnant. So the very thing that skewed the test was the true test.

What proof of God's lovingkindness and redemption that He would give not only new life to me, but a new little life to me and Steve to incarnate His grace!

Great news! for everyone!

I can't believe how much better I'm feeling. In fact, I'm starting to forget how I felt just a few months ago, when I was lying on the floor too tired to look up recipes for the week, and when sweets sent me plunging for the rest of the day, and when I always knew when it was mid-afternoon...slump!

Here's my secret. Yes, it's a nutritional product that claims to change your life, but this one really does. It's called Ageless Xtra, put out by a company called Univera. My chiropractor handed me a CD one day in September, and said, "The guy on here really is as excited about this product as he sounds." Steve and I listened to it that night, but I was like whatever, this is too long, and thinking Steve was bored, I stopped the CD early.

However I did buy a bottle from her the next day, because I'll try anything. And I only wish I'd found this product two years ago.... How different my life would have been. Or at least my quality of life. But God's timing is perfect.

I saw results the very first day I tried it. That night, I couldn't fall asleep until after 2:30 am, because I had so much energy! Uh, that hasn't happened since our wedding, and certainly not on a regular non-psyched up day. And for the month and a half that I've been taking it, I have started using the word "normal" in conjunction with "how I'm feeling"...after two years of severely abnormal. My "miracle juice" is accelerating my healing like no other.

Basically it's a concentrate made of berry juices and lots of herbal extracts from around the world. Univera's motto is "bringing the best of nature to mankind" and studies hundreds of thousands of plants and how they affect the human body on the DNA level (at one of the top genomics labs in the country). In fact, they are so committed to this study, that they did research for five years before coming out with a single product. And they are constantly discovering new things and adding them to their products.

Anyway, they tell you exactly what's in Ageless Xtra and what it does for you. Mainly, it promotes energy, mental clarity, stress management, and joint support, and is excessively high in antioxidants. I now know that this product is helping so many people with fatigue and autoimmune issues.

But I want to help more! I told my chiropractor, Dr. Lisa, that if this product helped me as much as it has, I'd become a distributor and save the world! Well, here I am. If you have any questions about this product, I'm more than happy to chat about it. And by the way, it's a fantastic business opportunity too, so let me know if you're interested! janelrmilleratgmail.com 202.577.3191

Even wine couldn't get me down

I drank a glass of red wine this afternoon at a wedding, a...ahem, full glass of wine, and I can't believe how good I feel five hours later. Oh and a big cupcake with lots of frosting. Yeah, it was at Clyde's and the food was real good. That's what you go to a wedding for anyway, right?

More on why I'm bouncing off the walls, later.

Upward trend

I'm feeling so much better the last two weeks that I keep forgetting to take my pills (yeah all those bazillion pills I take throughout the day). More on why coming soon!

Looking back, and forward

Almost a year ago I was sitting on a plane to Georgia, leaning against the window, praying to be well. Wondering what it would feel like to be instantly healed, to have simply the normal amount of energy to function. To not feel hollow inside, to not require determination and a hasty snack just to sit upright in my airplane seat. I mustered the faith to believe that God could heal me in that moment. And let myself dream of what that would feel like and what a difference it would make in my life.

I can't believe that was a year ago. God definitely didn't chose to heal me in an instant, at any point along this journey of ours. Instead He is healing me gradually, with Time as His chief nurse, and rest and nutrition as His remedy, and books and doctors and parents and friends as His mouthpiece. I look back in awe at the bursts of light He's given at intervals, how several of His agents combined to point in a single direction, like in discovering and treating my low thyroid a year ago. And now, in regular bio-cranial treatments from my new chiropractor, which I'm cautiously optimistic about.

After suffering from and aggressively treating my adrenal fatigue for almost two years now, I often look back with wonder. As with so many kinds of pain, while going through it you can't stop to reflect, you just have to push forward putting one foot in front of the other. A tightropist does not stop to admire the view of the surging waters beneath him, nor can he waste precious energy on analyzing his chances of making it across. But on the other side he may weep at his own fear and courage and retrace each step, feeling a sober elation that he actually made it. "I...made it!" I made it this far anyway.

I'm still very much in the throes of "good days and bad days." But the good days feel almost like normal (if I can remember what that is) and the bad days are infinitely better than those ghost-janel days I'm now struggling to remember. Those days when I didn't know if I would make the short walk from the metro to the office, and how would I ever climb those two flights of stairs? Those days when everything in me wanted to lie down, but when I finally did, I still wanted to lie down. Those days when the Pink Chair was my best friend and the companion of my non-existent social life. Those days when I would try to journal the swirling thoughts of discouragement and misunderstanding in my shrunken world, only to watch my pen fall out of an exhausted hand.

I don't want to forget how all that felt. Millions of people around the world with chronic illness feel horrible every day, and I don't want to just bound away from their bedside with newfound energy, never to return. Well, that's not to say I'm not forever changed by my illness, that I can't help but feel a deeper compassion and solidarity with those who suffer with physical pain. But I want to do more. I want to go on the offensive, not just personally, but in a way that helps others. I want those who are too exhausted to get up in the morning to know that they are not alone, and their problem is both bigger than they realize and yet very fixable. And mostly I want those type-A's who are headed for a crash to slow down and heed the warning signs of certain danger ahead. I DON'T WANT A SINGLE PERSON to go through what I've gone through. It's so unnecessary. Such an interruption in a life. And requires so very much time and money and determination to get back. (Although I hasten to say that God has certainly used this whole bad experience in my life for great great good.)

I want to raise awareness for adrenal fatigue, but I'm not sure how to go about it. I feel like I should write something, but I'm not sure which kind of publication or what angle to take. I was just lying in bed thinking about all of this, and had to get up and write it down. I suppose I could write an article and try to have it published in some kind of health magazine. That's my latest idea, I guess. If you have any others, please share them with me. I just feel that with our culture being so busy and stressful and performance-driven, and the principle of sabbath being so neglected even in the church, any encouragement to the contrary would be God's work. And I feel I have a responsibility now that I'm starting to feel better to use my energy to protect and rescue the energy of others. I trust that God will show me how.

Good news

In March I took another saliva test, one year after the first, to check my progess in rebuilding my adrenal glands, etc. And I recently had the phone consultation follow-up with my doctor in Atlanta (Dr. Taylor). He said that my cortisol levels (stress hormone produced by adrenal glands) are rising! And whereas a year ago I was way below normal levels throughtout the day, I am now mostly within the threshold of "normal"!

Of course, I'm not nearly out of the woods yet, as I'm just barely within the threshold on the low end, but that's progress for sure! It means that what I'm doing (rest/nutrition/supplements/low stress) is working, and I just need to keep doing it. Yea! Praise God! Of course, this all corresponds exactly to how I'm feeling (better, but not 100 percent yet), so that's confirming as well.

Please let me know if you would like to take this test. I can tell you all about it! And point you in the right direction (toward my cutting-edge doctor).

Little by Little

I'm finding myself calling friends on the phone again! Just because...I want to. And I feel like it. And I have the energy to pick up the phone, even while doing other things like...walking!

I'm finding myself turning on the radio in the car again! Just because...I want to. And I feel like it. And I have the energy to sing along, even while doing other things like...turning the steering wheel!

An energizer bunny day at long last

So on Friday I was going non-stop all day long--working, shopping, walking long distances with the spoils of my shopping spree, walking the dog I was sitting, more erranding, and picnic/bbq-ing--and needed only a 2 minute sprawl on the bed to get me through. This is monumental!

It was a poignant moment walking into the Gap outlet that day, grabbing 15 items off the racks, trying them on. Last time I was in there was February and I remember laboring up the stairs to the second floor, only to walk right back out again. I didn't have the energy to even look at a single piece of clothing and decide what I thought about it, let alone lug it into the dressing room and try it on. I never realized how much energy it takes just to shop. Oh the things I took for granted.

So this is why when Jesus healed people, they went jumping and leaping and praising God.

The Novelty of Normal

I am feeling SO much better this week. I feel better exponentially week by week. It's the most miraculous process: how the body heals itself, with a little help.

I feel like a whole person again. Full and not empty. Able to walk down the metro platform in the morning, with everything I need inside to take the next step and not even think about it. Remembering how depleted I felt just a few weeks ago and wondering how I got through.

I'd forgotten what it felt like to feel normal.

I can actually be nice to people without effort.

I don't have to sit down and take a breather after the monumental stress of un-jamming the copier.

I don't have to go upstairs and lie down on the floor and practice relaxation techniques after getting the runaround with the US Park Service on the phone, just trying to reserve camp sites for the church peeps.

I can ride the metro without knocking people over for a seat. Or having to play mind games to not get murderously mad at the driver for trying to throw us to the floor.

I can make it between meals here and there without having to stuff my face with whatever nuts or healthy crackers I can find in my desk.

And I don't think about me so much. Maybe that's the best part. To be freed from self-consumption and incessant introspection. I do enough of that without Addy's help.